it only hurts for a moment - you get used to it quickly

[swordsinternally]

[ After everything's said and done, Shirou's going to go ahead and set things up for today. It's the same as always; nothing has changed-- but he still wants to believe that there's something worth in doing this, so he'll at least go ahead and do that once he's given out notes (or told a person verbally, one on one) under their door, a small neat note stating: ]

For those who don't want to be alone today:

I know it's been a hard month. And I know it's probably going to get even more difficult from here. But I don't want anyone to give up just yet. If you'd like, there'll be food and drinks in the simulation room.

- E.

[ And for those who decide to make the trip to the simulation room, they'll find themselves walking into what seems to be a karaoke bar! Shirou's made it pretty spacious and there is, in fact, a table set up with some food for everyone to take - primarily burgers and ramen (hell, there's a bit of ramen burgers, too, the Biggest Cancer) - that he's made the decision to make, so feel free to take it, and he's willing to even get drinks for everyone, too.

This includes virtual drinks, as he actually has some experience working at a bar, even if it was more menial tasks and less bartending. But hey, there's a first time for everything, yeah?

And there's also the option to sing your heart out-- although that might not be the most appropriate, given the last execution, but he's. He's trying, anyway. ]

Comments

[covertizer]

[ Akira shows up a little later, in what looks like a pretty large sized hoodie from the school store. It may have a little Fayflower logo on it, but it's huge and cosy and that's kind of what he needs right now.

He's not putting himself forwards for conversation, but he's not going to push anyone away if they want to talk.

Getting close to him will reveal two things - he's slowly working his way through a burger, bit by bit; and he's got a book from the library in his hands. It looks like a beginner's guide to teaching yourself how to play the guitar. ]

[swordsinternally]

... hey.

[ At some point when he's not being busy, he's definitely going to go ahead and find a place next to Akira with a glass of virtual alcohol in his hand; he's not going to be drinking too much, since he's aware of his tolerance level but it's whatever. He could honestly care less right about now. ]

Is that burger okay, by the way? I don't usually cook those.

[covertizer]

[ Hopefully he's ready for a lapful of Akira, because as soon as he's sat down, Akira just tugs his hood up and scoots himself backwards, until he's pretty much in Shirou's lap.

Hello.

He bumps the side of his head against Shirou's chest.]

It's fine, and tasty. I'm just not hugely hungry right now.

[swordsinternally]

[ ..... oh.

Well, then. This is apparently happening where people can see them. This is definitely, totally fine. Except for the fact that his face is slightly red in spite of himself. But he won't push him off, either, instead just reaching out to stroke his head through the hoodie. ]

It's fine. Don't force yourself to eat if you're not really hungry, Akira. Do you want to talk?

[covertizer]

[ Alexander just basically told Waver he was his dream and had eyesex with him across a trial room while a man waited to die. Two sad teens snuggling in the corner of a holoroom is a downgrade, Shirou. It's ok. ]

It's good though. See my dilemma?

[ The head pats are nice though. Akira ends up kind of leaning into them, like a kitty. ]

... I'm tired, I guess. [ He doesn't want anyone to die, but over and over it's been the same pattern - he loses someone he's known for months to someone he's known a few weeks. Even back in the original test weeks, it'd been the same pattern. ] I'll bounce back.

[swordsinternally]

I'm sorry that I made it so good that you're having a problem.

[ There's the sarcasm. Although he can't help but smile a little softly as Akira leans into his touch. ]

Anyone would be tired after all of that. Especially since all of your friends keep on dying every week, so I get it. To be honest, I'm honestly a little scared that one week I might lose you... that's pretty selfish of me, isn't it?

[ Because if this pattern continues. He can't help but feel terrified in some way. He might not be Emiya Shirou, but he's grown to care about so many of the others here and he doesn't know if he'll be able to handle it when someone he's really close to winds up dying. ]

[covertizer]

[ Akira wriggles slightly, just enough that he can poke his index finger into Shirou's stomach and-- well, ow? That's not soft.

And the he twists enough that he can lift his head and look at Shirou. ]

No. I'd be selfish about ten times over by now, if that's the case. I don't want to lose anyone else, let alone you, or Max, or Terra, or-- well. You get the picture.

[ He's not stupid enough to have missed that pattern though. It feels like every week now he's bracing himself for something to happen to someone from those early weeks, or even himself, and his suspicions keep coming true. ]

[swordsinternally]

You shouldn't be poking me like that...

[ He pouts a little bit but then he looks directly into Akira's eyes as he listens to his words, carefully although he shifts his hand's position when Akira moves. But ten times, huh. ]

Yeah. It just feels like no matter how much we try or everything we do... the patterns don't change. Everything just repeats itself. It's honestly giving me a sense of deja vu, being a place like that where things seem to repeat. That's why I want to stop it. I feel like I'm not doing enough.

I need to figure out a way to do something more. I want to.

[covertizer]

I know that now, after I nearly broke my finger?

[ Daaaamn. ]

...

Right. Otherwise it'll just keep going and going until... what, there's only a few of us left? Until they decide "that's enough now"? I'm not interested in that.

[swordsinternally]

I'm sorry that I have a normal training regimen and am decently built.

[ They can go back and forth all day. ]

Yeah. I don't want to continue being their experimental guinea pig. Everyone has someplace to go back to.

[ He says everyone as if he's not including himself. Hm. ]

[covertizer]

"Decently built". [ He raps his knuckles lightly against Shirou's abs. ] That's just built.

[ Bless them.

After a second, he lifts his hand and.. boops the tip of Shirou's nose. This is who you've chosen to devote affection to, Shirou. Think on your mistakes. ]

Everyone. You as well.

[swordsinternally]

And where, exactly am I supposed to go after all of this? I'm going to end up being a Masterless Servant after we get out of here-- although I won't be going to the Throne like Rider would.

[covertizer]

... you could ask any of us? I don’t see why you’d have trouble in Tokyo, as one example - and there’s got to be a way to work around the... uh.... mana transferring thing if your current method of using it is too embarrassing.

[buriedearth]

Hey, Akira.

[ Terra was sure he was about to ask him something, but he notices the guide in his hands, and it makes him forget almost immediately what he was going to previously inquire about. Instead, another question comes to mind. ]

...Can I ask what made you decide to pick up guitar lessons?

[ ...Was it what happened with 2D? ]

[covertizer]

[ Akira taps his finger against the side of the book. ]

He was going to teach me to play, but we never really got around to it between only having one guitar -- [ Yes. One guitar. ] -- and with what was happening here.

...

And I don't want to have bad associations with that part of everything.

[buriedearth]

[ And now the guitar is busted??

He grimaces for a moment at that...and then his expression turns thoughtful. Terra would, in his position, want to just forget about it. ]

...So, you're trying to still make some good out of the bad.

[ Akira's stronger than he could've ever imagined. ]

[covertizer]

[ Very busted. Luckily he got another one, but... uh. Yeah.

Busted. ]

I'm mad at what happened. And I hate that it happened to Maya-chan. But... [ His mouth twists slightly and he sighs. He doesn't think 2-D was a rotten or evil person, and the music he'd played had been beautiful. He'd like to preserve that part, at least. ]

It's really complicated, isn't it? I can't forgive him for what he did to Maya-chan, but I don't think I hate him either.

[buriedearth]

[ Terra was still angry--did he hate him? He...

His hands clench into fists. He doesn't think he could forgive him either, but--does he hate 2D? He sighs, unclenching his fists...despite his own rage, he doesn't find it within himself to hate 2D, either. Maybe before, during the heat of the moment, but now?

He doesn't think he could. He doesn't know if he could think of 2D as a good person, but... ]

...Maybe it's for the best.

And I guess I might understand it too. [ Because he feels the same. ] I don't think it's for exactly the same reasons, but...enough has happened today.

[covertizer]

It might be easier if I could. But I have good memories with both of them...

[ He sighs, and sets the book down against his knee. ]

Besides, learning to play the guitar seems pretty complicated. At the very least, it's something to focus on and keep me occupied.

[buriedearth]

[ Terra doesn't think it'd be easier to hate someone, so he supposes it'd be different for each person. If he had the patience, maybe he'd think of giving it try at musical things (spells do not apply), but not only does it require patience but it requires a lot of studying. Which, hahaha, nope. ]

Yeah. I've never learned a musical instrument or anything, but it sounds kind of difficult.

[covertizer]

You think? You won't know until you try.

[ He tilts his head, and taps the spine of the book. ]

Lots of people play them, so it can't be impossible.

[buriedearth]

[ Somehow him saying that makes him want to give it a try anyway. ]

I've never tried, but...

[ His eyebrows furrow a little. ]

I guess giving it a try can't hurt. You got the book from the library, right?

[covertizer]

Yup. There's a really wide variety of books there... it didn't take too long to look for something like this.

[ ... It's daunting, but the book explains it well. He wants to try. ]

Something to take your mind off things. I don't think that's bad.

[buriedearth]

Maybe I'd pick up something like the cello.

[ Terra has no real reason for it in particular, but he's kind of wondered what it'd be like. ]

...Not only would it be a good distraction, but if we wanted to, we could sometimes practice right outside the office door when Todd's in.

[ To annoy him. ]

[covertizer]

If there's one in the music room, then why not? I hear it's supposed to be good for keeping your brain active too.

[ ... OHO. ]

We could get a band together. And play him the classics. I wonder if they have shamisens here, I could play Enka.