Fourth Study Session

[lockdownmods]

Today, there is nothing to return-- no way to be sure that the events that have repeated themselves three different weeks now have not happened yet again. But by now perhaps you're simply aware that you should be cautious on these days.

The sun is shining, the birds are singing.

And while the dormitory seems to be in the same condition you left it when you slept-- the same cannot be said of outside or the main building.

Comments

[preconstruction]

[ he's quiet for a long moment. ]

You are a good person, Rebecca.

[throwabookatit]

What, I'm a good person for not wanting to see another friend dead? [ she doesn't know if she could handle it, with how much else she's lost ]

Fine, then. I'll keep being one. I'll...I'll keep you alive on that alone.

[preconstruction]

[ somewhere in there, he can hear it. that concern. the fear, of losing someone else. and that, more than anything pulls him back to want to really talk to her. because deleting himself, losing hank -- those weren't supposed to affect anyone. but if she really saw him as a friend, could he hurt her in the process? ]

No, I -- I'm not alive. I've been trying to tell you since the beginning, I'm just an android.

[throwabookatit]

[ And she just gives him a sad, sad look. ]

Connor... Do you really think I could still believe that? After all this?

[preconstruction]

You have to. So that you won't get hurt.

[throwabookatit]

It's far too late for that.

[preconstruction]

I can't keep playing these games. I don't want to be used like this anymore.

[throwabookatit]

I know.

[ She starts trying to lead him...away from Hank's body. ]

None of us do, but- but it doesn't make what you felt...what you feel bad.

[preconstruction]

[ connor lets her lead him away. it's just a body. he tells it to himself over and over. it's not hank anymore. it's just a body. ]

If I allow myself to feel, I will be overrun with errors.

[throwabookatit]

Then...you'd be like everyone else. Everyone's...overrun with errors, Connor. You- ...I can't...explain this right, but- you may be an android, but I don't think...you have to be incredibly different from us. You don't have to fight it.

[preconstruction]

I can't solve the case like that. For Hank I -- I have to.

[throwabookatit]

You're not doing it alone. You've got...the rest of us. You've got me.

[preconstruction]

But it's my function.

[throwabookatit]

But don't you see? You're more than that. You're much more than they ever intended you to be. And that's good.

[preconstruction]

I couldn't even save him. I'm less that what I was created for.

[throwabookatit]

Oh, Connor...

[ ...she can't say she doesn't understand that sentiment. It's talking with Ash, all over again. Will he let her pull him into a hug? ]

I know it hurts. I- I know it can't...stop hurting. And I know...nothing I say...will ever be able to fix it.

But that's not true. You...you've been saving him since you met him.

[preconstruction]

What good is that if I couldn’t protect him from other people?!

[ at least Rebecca has successfully made him emotional - the self-hatred is obvious. But he does let her pull him into a hug. ]

[throwabookatit]

[ There's not much she can say to that, but she can hold him tighter. ]

You gave him back his life...for as long as you could.

[ This is better than him being shut off. Preferable, as awful as it is. ]

[preconstruction]

It wasn't good enough -- it wasn't -- we promised each other we'd go back together. Even after I told him -- even after everything -- we promised, Rebecca, and now he's --

[ connor's shaking as the emotion starts breaking through. he puts his arms around her and holds her just as tightly. he should be helping her, not this. ]

[throwabookatit]

I know.

[ Something high and pained in her voice, trembling. She's speaking from experience. Promised him, she'd never leave, and yet... ]

I know, Connor. And I'm s- sorry... I'm sorry...you're feeling this.