locked_down | i'm just young enough to still believe, but young enough not to know what to believe in

[ What do you do after all that?

Well, you mourn. After...an hour or so, a note goes out, under everyone's doors- everyone's. ]

If you also don't want to be alone after the day we've had, come to the second floor of the dormitories. Food and drink will be provided. Alcohol will be confiscated immediately.

[ You'll find Rebecca's set up the common area with food, that she seems to keep supplying, every so often. It's kind of strange, though, she seems like the sort of person to harp on eating well? She definitely has, for some of you. Yet, the food seems a strange split. On one side, there's all kinds of fruits and vegetables and breads. Legumes, made maybe not the best, but it's still an effort. Vegetable soups, no meat in sight. Simple seafood. If you're familiar with Greek culture? Yeah. It looks a lot like something they'd describe in...a history book.

On the other side? God, it's all burgers and pizzas and...pineapples? Pineapple juice? What the heck, Rebecca? In any case, there's enough food to keep everyone fed, and it seems...Tess, oddly enough, keeps bringing batches of burgers from the kitchen?! What a team-up.

The Starbucks is open too, where it's a bit...quieter? Some tea and coffee set up, there.

For those who just want to cry, in peace. ]

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[Mitarai opens the door only just a crack. His face through the door is a very thin smile.]

Terra...

...I noticed you weren't at the party.

[ At the very least, he doesn't look angry. He just looks kind of tired. ]

Can we talk?

Um... Uuuuuuuuuuum...............

[He takes the walkie-talkie out of his pocket without even looking. Apparently he carries it all the time.]

This would be more... comfortable for me...

[ Terra blinks a bit at it, and then reaches into one of his pockets, taking out the walkie-talkie. ]

You want to talk at a distance?

[ ... It's not weird that he's started carrying it since then, shh. ]

The physical distance isn't what's important, it's... I know no one wants to see my face anymore...

What do you mean by that?

[ He genuinely looks confused. Really... ]

I mean, I mean exactly what I said, I finally... I tried so hard to be like, but... but... [He breaks down crying and the next several words are unintelligible besides] ...must hate me...

[ Terra's eyebrows furrow as concern evidently flickers across his face as he starts to cry. He continues to be genuinely confused and oblivious until he realizes what he must've meant. ]

Do you believe everyone hates you because of what you said earlier?

[ ... ]

I don't know what others think now, but I know for a fact everyone doesn't feel that way towards you. After all, I don't hate you.

[Mitarai looks up at Terra with big teary kicked puppy eyes.]

You told me to... to not say things... ...innocent person to...!

[He makes a big rally at wiping his eyes with the back of his arm.]

I know no one ever likes being around me! [He hiccups] Or, or, or at least no one else—!

[ ... Oh no.

Terra puts away the walkie-talkie; this is definitely not a conversation he wants to have with them so far away. ]

I know what I said, but...as hard as it is to believe, there were worse things you could've said. Not that I'm saying what you proposed was absolutely alright, but it's just something to keep in mind.

[ Just look at Waver, for example, but Terra doesn't say that. Even though he doesn't realize it so much, there's a gentle smile on his face right now. ]

I don't think I'm the only one who likes being around you either. Though, that's more of a hunch if anything, you're not as unpleasant as you might think you are.

[Mitarai's jaw loosens. Terra really doesn't hate him. Obviously, Mitarai did think there were worse things that he could have said, he said all those things in no small part because he believed he was right.]

But...

[But...]

It doesn't matter what I think. I'm "self-righteous"; other people know better.

Can you hear me out for a moment, Mitarai?

[ Terra doesn't want the other man to think that what he did was evil, and that's about the size of it. All the same, it's not exactly as clean cut as it appears, he thinks. ]

A real long while ago I spoke to someone once, about people--he told me basically that it was difficult to really just sort all that what people did or said into just "black or white". That it wasn't good to expect that from others, and in the end, that's not how it always worked.

What you said at that time I think was one of those--something that can't really be placed into either of those categories. Alex and Connor...they clearly had decided what they wanted to do. Alex, because he confessed, and Connor because he was willing to give his life.

At the same time, Mike, he... he hadn't even killed anyone at all. He was involved, but only because that -- Doris -- had dragged him into that mess in the first place.

Maybe it wasn't exactly the right thing to propose what you did, but I don't think it was really wrong either because of the situation. You were trying to consider how Connor might have felt, and Mike's innocence in all of this.

It's different from how you acted before--if you were self-righteous, you would've just insisted that Connor must die because it was 'for a worthy cause' and just left it at that. But you were bringing it up for people to talk about, not just insisting on what should happen.

Edited 2018-09-16 13:46 (UTC)

Even manga needs screentones... Um, I mean, a drawing without any shades of gray would look really bad.

[It might sound detached but he's just trying to understand these complex ideas.]

I'm really glad that you see the good in me... I treasure your friendship so much, Terra...! But I was still... more wrong than right. Nobody else thought it was a worthy cause. All I did was exacerbate Rebecca's distress for her friend's sake... It did nothing to reach anyone... I need to accept that I don't know what to do and just stick to... reaching people with my anime. That's all I'm good at.

...Alright. I don't think I can convince you otherwise, but it's a good quality to have. Speaking up on something no one else will. It might come in handy one day.

[ He's serious about that! ]

I still don't think I've had a chance to see what anime looks like or even "manga", so I still want to see either of those one day.

Edited 2018-09-19 23:02 (UTC)

Ah... It's a shame that DVD Gogol-san found was broken... but, don't worry. This week I'll finally be on the sound design stage of my anime. It'll ruin you for anything else!

That's a joke. Obviously there should be more than one anime in the world. I... I really want... all of us to get out of here... and to watch lots of different anime with you and your other friends. Ahaha...

[It's still awkward. He knows he shouldn't think of everything in these terms. But to learn other terms to think about things, he just has to keep being around Terra more.]

It will, huh?

[ He does laugh even before Mitarai states it's a joke. Honesty, he's been really wondering when he'd get the chance--maybe this week would be it!

And yes, good, keep hanging out with him, Mitarai. ]

Well, we're definitely going to get out of here, alright? And when we do, I could show you my world too. I'm sure Aqua and Ven -- and maybe everyone of my friends here -- wouldn't mind watching all those "anime" too.

i'm just young enough to still believe, but young enough not to know what to believe in

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warning for discussion of possible suicide??

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