Doki Doki After Party Club

[myliteratureclub]

[Later into the evening, everyone will find familiar handwritten notes on their doors. It's pretty obvious who it's from:]

"Please come to the cafeteria if you don't want to be alone or talk some things out. Emiya (Shirou) will be preparing food. You're also welcome to bring your notebooks if you'd rather just write with company."

---Monika
[Those who decide to come will find nothing has really changed in the cafeteria, but Monika sitting at one of the tables while Shirou cooks in the kitchen. She has a new stack of notebooks and pens with her in case someone needs it. Monika does her best to greet everyone with a smile. The only real comfort though is the smell of good food.]

Comments

[curseoclock]

Aw, I'm fine, obviously! Why wouldn't I be?

[YEAH... WHY WOULDN'T HE BE....]

[buriedearth]

[ He saw how you reacted at the trial, Henry. ]

Because of what happened to Yoosung, that's why.

[ ... ]

He was important -- still is -- to the both of us.

[curseoclock]

[He starts drawing stars again.]

Well, that's done now, right? 'Cause he's dead and the guy who killed him is dead, so it's all done.

It's over.

[More and more stars. Is there even enough space left?]

So there's no reason to feel bad anymore.

[buriedearth]

[ Terra is drawing more shitty stars, albeit slowly than Henry likely enough. ]

Maybe it's over, in one sense of the word.

[ ... ]

Even if it is, though, that doesn't mean the feelings in our hearts go away so easily, not when someone we like has passed on. That's reason enough for us to continue to feel 'bad', but that's why it's good for us to talk about it. To help deal with it, anyway.

[curseoclock]

No, it's pretty easy. It's over and done, so I don't have to feel bad anymore. That's how it works.

That's how it's always worked.

[The paper's pretty much covered in stars now, but he's still going.]

Why should it be any different this time?

[buriedearth]

Because you actually cared about him.

[ He at least thinks that's why, anyway. Terra knows Henry has issues, though he won't lie and say he knows the scope of them. ]

When you're closer to someone, those feelings don't go away when they die, even if they might get less overwhelming over time.

1/2

[curseoclock]

[...]

2/2

[curseoclock]

No, that's dumb.

I don't like that.

[buriedearth]

[ ...he can't say it's not something he doesn't agree with in a way. It hurts, and it's not a fun time for anyone, even if caring about someone is not bad.

It can be much more difficult when losing them. Therein lies the rub, as one might say. ]

...I don't blame you for not liking it. It's not easy to deal with.

[ Especially when you're not used to dealing with it much, as he understands. ]

[curseoclock]

You know a lot about feelings and stuff, right? It seems like you do.

[Mind, from Henry's perspective, everyone knows more about feelings than he does.]

How do you not have them?

[buriedearth]

[ Terra can be hilariously awkward about feelings, but he tries his best and he'll definitely do that right now...he figures it's actually good he asked him than someone else who might answer weirdly. ]

You can't really just not have feelings or get rid of them. Everyone has them, even if they might be buried deeper than some others...they'll always be there.

[curseoclock]

Usually I just sorta push everything down. I mean, that's worked pretty well, usually! So I dunno why that's not working.

Feelings are super dumb.

[buriedearth]

It's harder to ignore them when it's someone you've really grown to care about.

[ ... ]

Sometimes they are, even if there's a good side to having them too.

[ It doesn't feel like there is one at the moment, though. But maybe this too will pass...even if Yoosung's memory will never fade away. ]

[curseoclock]

Hm. I like the positive ones a lot more.

[Not like that's not obvious to anyone who's been around Henry for more than two seconds.]

...Did you know dark magic makes you feel really gloomy and depressed?

[buriedearth]

I think anyone would.

[ It sure is pretty obvious--but even so he only thinks it's natural for people to feel that way about feelings (hah). ]

...No, actually.

You're talking about dark magic from your world, right?

[curseoclock]

Yup. I mean, now it feels pretty good, honestly. But at the start, it's all dark and suffocating, until you learn to get used to it. You just push it down and stuff.

...It kinda reminds me of that feeling.

[buriedearth]

[ Terra tries to think about how he feels when he uses darkness--it's not exactly suffocating for him. When it surfaced, it seemed because he was desperate, if anything--it just felt natural. From as much as he had remembered at the time, anyway.

...Either way, he's just sitting there, turning over what he said in his head, moving one hand to place his hand on his chest. ]

I...don't think something like this will ever feel good [ He's sure Henry knows that too. ], but I'm sure once we have time to process everything, maybe it won't feel as overwhelming as it does right now.

[ ...Since this is relevant, there is something he wants to ask. ]

Can you tell me a little bit about why or how you learned dark magic?

[curseoclock]

Oh, well... It's not like I one day woke up and decided I wanted to be a dark mage or anything. My parents just didn't wanna deal with me anymore, so they shipped me off to magic school.

After I awakened to my magic first, that is.

[buriedearth]

They just did it without a care?

[ That kind of bothers him a little, but...school can be good, so-- ]

How did it go?

[curseoclock]

Eh, not like they were all that attached to me anyway. And I did just kill several people, so they wanted to get rid of me quick.

[you know, as you do]

Oh, just your standard school experience. Lots of studying, lots of tests, I almost died a buncha times, that sorta thing. Pretty boring, mostly!

[buriedearth]

Wait, what?

[ Holy shit Henry -- okay when Terra asks that there's definitely a record scratch dealio going out there somewhere in the multiverse. ]

...First, why did you kill several people? Second, what's this about almost dying "a bunch" of times?

[ Buddy. Buddy. ]

[curseoclock]

Ah, well. I was friends with this wolf that lived in the forest near my village, see? And one day she wandered into the village to come see me... so some hunters killed her.

That's when my magic awakened and next thing I knew, those people were dead.

[...Yep, that sure is a thing that happened.]

...Y'know, I kinda forget that I guess most people don't almost die at school? At least, Akira says it's not normal. But detention could be pretty deadly at my school!

[buriedearth]

[ ... Okay. That sure is a thing that happened, but it's not like Henry killed someone knowing he could in a blood-crazed frenzy for no reason at all. ]

...I'm sorry that happened.

[ He just...give him a moment. ]

Akira's right. It's not normal for a school to be like this [ He never went to a true university or school but he still knows that they exist because Master Eraqus. ] or the one you went to. Was it anything like this place at all?

[curseoclock]

Eh, it was ages ago. I mean, I was like... gosh, I don't even remember anymore. Six or seven or something?

Ancient history!

[It is, perhaps, possible that killing a bunch of people at a super young age may have fucked Henry up a bit.

Just a little.]

Hm... Parts, maybe? I mean, it was an actual school with classes and stuff, so way beyond what this place is doing. And the rules were way stricter. I mean, I was in detention just about every week!

I guess the way they deal with death is similar? Though it's not like they were pushing us to kill each other in magic school, they just didn't care much when accidents happened.

[buriedearth]

[ The brunet opens his mouth and then closes it--what can he say to that? Even he can't manage any words. He'll be thinking on this later, though.

He definitely wants to kick them all in the ass for it. ]

...That's not right.

[ Now he knows why Henry is so fucked up. ]

Were you ever able to do anything about them?